First dates can be absolute torture. They can be the most uncomfortable situations in which one willingly puts themselves. Most of us are just waiting for the first date and first kiss to be over with. In the past, I wanted to fast forward an entire six months, just to get to that good ‘ole relationship sweet-spot!
Today I read an article with some pretty decent first date advice. Then I thought.. I too possess valuable information regarding this topic (raising my finger in the air)!! Why do I think this… the sheer fact that I am no longer scared of the dreaded first date and I enjoy being in my own skin during them. I think that’s good enough. Here’s how I have fun and make the best out of them.
First, the most important time you can spend during the night of your first date, is the time you spend alone with yourself before it even starts. I tell myself that these few hours are neither the beginning nor the end of the world. If this date doesn’t go well, it is not a reflection of the wonderful person that I am, or the fabulous partner I will be when I do find Mr. Right. There are over 6 billion people on the planet; the chances that this is your soul mate are slim to none. The wonderful outcome you should strive for, is an enjoyable evening and hopefully by the end, having nurtured a new friendship. If you achieve more, that’s all the better. Another important part of this alone time is gathering an appreciation for the life you already have separate from this relationship that may or may not exist beyond tonight. If the date goes well, you’ve just added a beautiful dimension to your life, if it doesn’t, well, you can go right back to the way things were as if it never happened. Look in the mirror before you step out the door and say, “It’s ok if I spill food down my shirt. It’s ok if I divulge a bit too much information and he/she thinks I’m crazy. It’s ok if I walk into a glass door. It’s ok if this is not the best date in the world… I will find the right one for me.” Or, you know, something along those lines. You know yourself better than I do.
OK, so you’ve psyched yourself up, you look nice and crispy clean, you smell awesome, your cuticles are trimmed, now what? One little trick that works for me, is telling myself that I will ALWAYS look him DEAD in the eye. I use to shy away when a guy I was crushing on, would look me in the eyes. This awkwardness would then lead to my brain freezing, resulting in the dumbest thing imaginable coming out of my mouth. So now, at the beginning, and consistently through out the date, I tell myself… “You are confident, look this person in the eye and show them that you are interested in what they are saying, that you are ‘present’ in the moment”. Trust me, it works. Just believing this, makes it a reality, and allows the environment to be filled with confident energy.
Another thing I remind myself, to prepare for any embarrassment that may happen… a trip over a piece of tile in the middle of the restaurant, a small uncontrollable burp after your second beer, nipple slippage… hey, whatever… that there’ve been numerous first dates in which people have done horribly embarrassing things. You’re probably on a date with someone that can top your most embarrassing first date story. So, whatever happens just laugh it off, and remind yourself that people are suffering way worse than you are, all over the world right now… if that helps at all. The fact that you came out of the bathroom with the back of your dress tucked in your underwear isn’t more important than people dying of malaria in third world countries.
Don’t think beyond the night, live in the moment. The memories you create with this person are going to be one day at a time. Don’t think of this as the first day of the many days before we get to the alter, or worse yet, the first day before we break up down the line. Don’t even think past 12:38AM, the time you say goodnight… or maybe even 7:38AM, when you say good morning.
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